A Storyteller's End

I was always told the film industry was the most impossible one to get into. But what can you do when there's nothing else in the world you want to do?

I sacrificed just about everything I had to move into film. I would under eat to save up for another day of food for my crew and cast, I would walk into the next town to save any fare on a bus or train so an actor got there on time, I would spend a whole day with a new crew member to get their confidence ready for the set, I would get into debt to rent an extra lens, lie to my bosses so I could fit in to someone else's schedule to film on, I would whore myself to productions that could give me a decent project on my showreel and travel hundreds of miles to attend interviews even if it was a mere assistant role. Almost 10 years have passed since my time at Met Film School, for what I still remember as being the biggest eye opener of my life. It is now 2017, I am 32 years old. I am living off scraps and the responses I get are absolutely insane!

The freelance life - Take it or leave it, had given me the chance to meet so many people and take part in so many things but when you can't make any plans you start looking for full-time work. Only... You realise the people who offer these positions regularly pay crap but expect insane amounts of knowledge. And so... for the past 2.5 years I entered the douchfest circus of full-time job hunting in film... I had no idea how ridiculous this was going to be...

My last rejection was the last straw! It was from a group called 'The Business Debate' based in North London that liked me so much that they gave me the job of Video Producer, shaking my hand and asking how soon I could start. I shook their hands and waited until I was on a quiet street to almost cry my eyes out. My 10 year battle was over. I was going to come back for a studio induction and show them what I was made of the following week and off I went.

My parents were in touch, separated by the divorce since I was 1 or 2 years old enjoying the; "at last - thank Christ!" moment. I had my 1st night out with my dad in years, my mum took me out. The light was in my eyes at last. Someone had finally bothered to take the time to look at the work I had put in after all these years, I even started looking at flats in my new job's area and was excited to owning my own place again, being able to finally save up for the little things like a car a holiday or two.
STUPID ME - I got an email from their secretary basically saying they've had 2nd thoughts about the role and wished me all the best for the future.
Naturally, I called them and emailed them - no response.
I contacted the director who'd 1st contacted me - no response.
Once again... The dream was dead.

I've dealt with a plethora of rejections but this was the one that threw me into a depression where the same parents soon got to telling me maybe I should enter counselling or start a prescription when they saw my resulting condition.

The next thing to come along was an education possibility for Coventry University / FutureLearn where I would act as their leading audio / visual guy for 40k+, which would have been been better anyway but despite reaching 2nd stage interview it was ANOTHER interview I would rewind and I honestly couldn't tell you what went wrong.

I can't continue with the lack of comfort in my life, not knowing where my rent comes from, what budget do I have for shopping this week... Will I have one? Do I get to see my friend(s) somewhere I haven't seen in X amount of time... Do they even believe I'm even worth keeping on their friend list anymore when I'm never around?

It reaches July and I saw more student related posts and articles about great "grades" in their media related courses and I think I should have worked in graphic design or some social media related profession... Maybe I would have been better off.

With great reluctance, I am leaving film and not returning until someone makes me a serious offer from here on in. I feel exhausted, frustrated and humiliated. I have chosen to leave the UK and use my language teaching qualification to start working abroad and travel before film takes any more from me. Teaching English to kids as young as 3 years old in Vietnam is the furthest thing away from where I am or what I planned for my life... I just hope I find something to hold onto!

Its funny what people you attract into your life when they finally realise the truth of how fucked your life got. I've had some charming people I've mentored message me about how gutted they are about me leaving and I feel terrible. The whole thing has thrown me into a place where I feel inadequate and unvalued. Why fight for something that takes away more than it gives?

I'll always be a filmmaker! I feel what you feel! We walk by an interesting place, we think about what story we'd script around it, we see a good cast or crew person, we look for the quickest excuse to make contact and make up a project we wanna work on with them, we watch a trashy film, we wanna gather with other filmmakers and gas about the problems and how we'd fix it ourselves, wrapping on that final shot of a film we're working on which gives us all that disgusted elated feeling to do another one as soon as its over.

However, it just feels like something I've got to start trying ignore for a while as its ripped me apart from so many friends and relationships and now even myself.

On this note guys... The journey just veered into a nightmare!
I dare turn another page after all these years. The idea was to endure the marathon and inspire people to endure the hard times I could prove were all but a part of the bullshit. I can't continue to do that anymore as I'm finally starting to believe that I may be misleading you.

Unless I find something to prove otherwise, this may be the last time I find myself here. I strongly urge those of you to get themselves a backup profession to deter any bad luck film may send you, otherwise I want to wish you the best of luck and succeed where I clearly failed. In either case, I love you for trying - If there were more of you out there, maybe this post wouldn't exist.

When Communication Breaks Down...

Each and EVERY project I have put together in film, there are those awkward sods that always screw me around just responding to questions, fulfilling tasks or showing initiative to get something done. The funny thing is - NONE of these things cost money!
Its a matter of picking up the phone and asking - THAT'S IT!

I have been attached to a short film, where a 1st time writer / director expected me to sleep with two people in a shared hotel room, I have worked on a £10k budget film without receiving any pay doing some of my best work to see the edit come out ungraded and poorly pieced together, I've been on a shoot where a 50+ year-old claimed to be better than Guy Ritchie - recruited a bunch of students at last minute, calling it a professional film when the script was written like a piss poor novel and led people down a cliff with no barriers with heavy equipment and somehow took all day... Sorry... TWO days to film an actor walking up and down a beach then talking to himself in a cave... Well to 'him' it was a cave... To everyone else it was a tiny alcove in the side of a cliff.

On the other hand I've been in front of more employers. I had an interview making 12 out of 127 candidates to make it so far... Luck would have it, I was also recovering from an awful cold, which didn't help. One of the questions was: "Have you got any case studies?"

EVERY FILMMAKER RESPONSE: "I'm sorry, a what?"

It turned out he was asking about interviews in relation to the feedback a customer gives from one of the services and/or product he/she has bought from the company you're working for. One look on anyone's showreel it begs the question, why are they asking me about simple interview shoots when they've seen the FAR more complicated stuff I can do? Fair enough it wasn't my best interview but for God sake... I just got nominated for a Royal Television Society Award for an indie comedy I shot. Do you think with my track record or with that kind of recognition, I'd fret over a sodding interview?

What was funny is that the guy who interviewed me said he used to work at ITV (yeah, the assholes who got me in a cab at 3:30AM for a 2nd interview, shadowing both their morning shows then never called me back!). Maybe this interview guy had been breathing the air of corporate affairs too long its now affected his communication.

So here we've got communication at the front line to make ANYTHING come together. Why do people struggle with this? A lot of it is down to manners, surely.
Language I catch is: "I'm busy, I can't do those dates, I'll get back to you, I wasn't sure what you meant"
Solution: Use productive language: When are you NOT busy? Which dates CAN you do? WHEN will you get back to me? If you weren't sure what I meant, what was stopping you from asking?

If the answer isn't something along the lines of perhaps: "Sorry Dan, I was going to call you but there was a hippo with the head of a snake that raced out the water and knocked me over, bit my arse, swallowed my phone and left me for dead. I woke up in a hospital 3 days later and had to wait until I was discharged to be able to nip out, buy myself a new phone, return to my computer to see if I could reacquire all my previous contacts before I could respond"
- THAT - I would fucking understand!
"Oh Dan, surely you get busy!"
TOO BLOODY RIGHT I DO MATE! But I'm usually back to "everyone" within 24 hours, whether I'm being paid or not. If I can do it, anyone can!

And so we move on to my most anticipated project of 'Jenna The Great' - I wrote the script with the lovely, efficient KT Parker, got it consulted on by Phil Clarke, assigned a lovely guy; Stefano Petroni as the cinematographer who's wanted to work with me for ages, my Hollywood musician friend; Michael O'Neill as our composer. I brought in my lovely mate; Marta Batinic as our editor and the loyal Page Jones as my sound designer again & even the lovely Will Pattenden & Laura Harvey whilst I'd set up a cracking squad of actors like Charlotte Dunnico, Felix Trench, Jamie-Lee Hill, Luisa Gurreiro, Parisa Shahmir, Bhasker Patel and even the lovely Olivia Stelling. I put together a promotional shoot to get the word out there at my expense! I EVEN got graphic design company Diguru to do the project posters! What bloody more can you ask for?

Out of £7,000 in just over a month you know how much I raised?
£710!
As if the cast & crew didn't speak for itself - The story was a superb comedy with loads of laughs about a student in the east midlands who happened to bring philosopher Aristotle into our time from Ancient Greece trying to coax him into doing her essay whilst interesting sub-characters like a shitty teacher kept resurfacing to put her down and a single mother who was on her last legs trying to support her... Bit different and more exciting than your bloody zombie apocalypses and an everlasting avalanche of superheroes, is it not? Again... What more can you ask for?

The cast and crew I didn't have a problem with! In fact there were those that got in touch to implicitly ask what more they can do. EXACTLY another reason why I just didn't want to see them let down.

I had a company called PR Kick that did sod all for us - WATCH OUT CROWDFUNDERS, it turns out these are just another one of the clueless morons you can put in your junk email folders. I attracted a producer from Scotland with U.S ties that insisted on a phone call that wanted to work with me, who told me how much she loved the project and said she wanted to work to help me. Next thing I know she's asking for free tickets to the London premiere of 'Wonder Woman' like we're best mates or something...?! Did she 'do' anything? Hell, did she! I also had two AP's that NEVER used their initiative to post things up on the projects Facebook or Twitter, even with several emails and phone calls instructing them on their course of action 'very' clearly whom made every excuse or just never bothered. No emails written to help get more people involved, no tweets, posted videos, photos - nothing. It ALL fell to my editor & I, otherwise we'd have nothing. This has now resulted in my 1st EVER project I have now had to put off. How on Earth do I keep unearthing these kinds of people?

So yeah - There you go. Communication! It would seem its not for everyone out there.

After all these years - It's finally 'Jenna The Great' has left me feeling 'Not So Great.' I've been interviewed by more employers than I can count & I cannot help but be aware of the sacrifices I have made over the years to pursue film the way I have and its reached a point where the reward of something like my Royal Television Society Nomination may have just come too late. Some people say I need a break, my parents say I should go on anti-depressants or get counselling. Yep, it's now that ridiculous!

Recently, I completed a CELTA course that allows me to teach English to foreign language students. It was an ABSOLUTE gauntlet. I know about 90% of the students I've met, this would have melted their brains!!! I'd never felt so stupid having to reprogram my brain towards teaching and acknowledging how MUCH I take English for granted as a native speaker. Funnily enough, I also met other like-minded people like me there who'd had enough of their career paths making mugs of them so had also decided to give it a whirl. BLOODY DIFFICULT! - Be warned... You will have NO time. Especially if you're as dumb as me to try and facilitate pre-production of an indie film whilst you're there!
THEN you can tell me: "I'm too busy"

Anyway, so as I try to wind down on my film, hopeful towards postponing as opposed to cancelling, as well as my film life in general because my tolerance for bullshit has begun to thin out lately. My thoughts are knowing how much stress I felt during my teacher training and if I'm using petrol to put out a bonfire whilst I have this unshakable feeling that I feel as though I'm giving up on film. I know one thing. If I found a way to disappear in either field and just be happy again. I'd pick and go tomorrow.

Teaching gives me the option to leave the country already so whether I get to do one last film or not, let's just say it's going to take some serious convincing to get me to stay.

Creatives Still Fighting An Invisible War - Why Do So Many Employers Discredit Short Films?

Filmmakers – When was the last time ‘outside’ of film, someone knew ‘exactly’ what you meant by the term producer?

We know how exceptionally difficult this can be if you’re doing it correctly. Reaching out to cast, crew, building the relationships, the lines of communication, organising everyone’s time, the risk assessments, call sheets etc and the rest of the responsibility you have if you’re working without a production manager and you’re even having to direct some projects yourself. Why? Money, right? There’s none of it to get someone in to do it. Now whilst this is the best way to learn, don’t you find it a mystery why employers whether they’re in OR out of film – they ask you to have previous experience in paid roles that have a decreased load of responsibility?

Yes, yes, we all know a production company is going to have more money invested but at the same time, you take shows as simple as those silly daytime shows about old antiques, home improvement or cookery. Are they ‘really’ trying to tell us how difficult that is for the average independent filmmaker who’s worked similar hours, taken on similar responsibility, all the right production skills, worked on a good range of projects and has had to find their own work, source for and liaise with clients to get their own work, file their own tax returns, manage their own time…

All that doesn’t suit a potential employers ability to consider us? – Bullshit.

My latest project ‘Jenna The Great’ I am building out of several years worth of knowledge of;

Writing; coming up with the idea, researching and developing it on my own and with others, understanding the format, the audience, portraying its characters personalities believably, pacing it, responding to feedback and redrafting it, sending to competitions and script editors.

Producing; crafting crew and cast from relationships I have built over many years of working both paid and unpaid, my teaching and mentoring, trading favours, negotiating for locations, equipment and professionals, participating in festivals and networking, applying for funding out of my own pocket, promoting my work and the work of others, arranging the transport, responsible for budgeting, call sheets…

Directing; maintaining professional lines of communication, respecting and leading teams through various productions with a clear objective, knowing the story, shots, characters, locations… everything backwards, preparing shot lists understanding direction, how to communicate to your 1^st AD, to your actors, to your director of photography constantly. Knowing how to fix a shot when something goes wrong at the last minute.

Cinematography; Again, not just understanding how to add value to a shot list but fixing problems with under/over exposure, the capabilities of your camera, lenses, settings, focus, aperture, shutter speed, ND filters, rigs, jibs, dollies, shots – what they all mean and how to do them, how to justify shot choices, thinking about colour temperature, therefore colour correction / grading, WS, MCU, CU, ECU, focal distances, gels, types and tools of lighting, flooding and spotting, wattage, sparks, 1^st ACs… The list goes on

Editing; Knowing Adobe Premier Pro or Final Cut Pro and its newest versions, how to transcode, aspect ratios, how to import / export footage, sync footage, when to cut and why, how to work with directors / clients and negotiate and enforce decisions. When to compromise, types of cutting, fades, colour, cropping, wireframes, transitions, basic graphics.

Of course there are more we could talk about, I’ve previously mentioned in earlier blogs, such as sound design, production design, composing and colourists but we’d be here all day.

Is this one of the reasons the industry is overly difficult to join? – Ignorance? You don’t see accountants, travel agents or sales people having this problem. Therefore, are we being judged a different way? God only knows how many requests I get from production companies and students, saying they’re looking for someone with lots of experience but are they in turn just going to carry on this cycle? Where does it stop?

I feel as though this may be a time when we do away with some of these repetitive daytime TV shows and nonsensical hard work for little return and solve both problems at once. How about a couple of channels run throughout the day, where pre-selected independent short films of various genres, documentaries of various breeds, experimental film are given a chance to shine ALL day long?

 

Think about it – A platform to showcase the filmmakers and their work, engage an audience and fan base, give something new perhaps at a mere cost of £5 or maybe £10 to the entire crew & cast, so the channel can continue to run if it weren’t to feature any adverts, anybody interested in film, has someone to reach out to and get involved… Just imagine what this could do for entertainment and the industry for just one moment – Why not? Have Netflix or Amazon Prime not been enough to show the world the power of choice in a digital world by now?

 

In fact if such places like ‘Indiewise’ was allowed to be broadcasted – an online hosting platform for short films, it could all happen within a matter of days.

 

Instead of this parochial system of traditional media, why aren’t we evolving fast enough to give new generations a chance at what they’ve trained and worked at for so long, when employers are still

asking for prior broadcast credits and prior agency experience when they’ve already got it? Estate agents, accountants and the like don’t have showreels to apply with for jobs but filmmakers are asked to provide these ‘as well as’ their CV’s… Why?

Another insane thing filmmakers are expected to put up with are the number of sites, certain groups like ‘My First Job In Film’, ‘Production Base’, ‘Film & TV Pro’ or the newest little bullshit one thats surfaced, called; 'Creative Commission' expect us to “PAY TO APPLY” for jobs – are you fucking kidding me? Why is it that any electrician, project manager, graphic designer can just hop on to CV Library, Reed.co.uk or ‘Indeed’ and apply for free? Absolutely ridiculous!

 

Employers need to ask themselves this: If I send you that I was a production assistant on a daytime talk show, an employer has heard of before, its got so many camera operators, sound recordists, a VT gallery off screen somewhere, a production design team to put all the sofas and displays to go up – yet all I was doing was running back and forth, fetching food, drink and passing memory cards and batteries back and forth – HOW on Earth is that something that is of more appeal than say – a producer on a short film, where I was busting my ass to do all the roles I mentioned earlier? 

I’m taking a risk to do something completely original, putting together from nothing and putting in so many more hours and usually for no pay? –
PLEASE EXPLAIN!

In fact ANY of you that have paid subscriptions, cancel them NOW and report it through to Mark Watson and / or Mark Arnold. Its disgusting behaviour and even Universities don't take much of an issue promoting them to students who're broke enough. Walk away!

Are filmmakers like myself eventually having to consider areas such as animation or visual effects because our technology is made to feel ‘anyone can do it?’ When I go on Youtube lately, I constantly get hit by an advert about a piece of software called ‘Camtasia’ or something, sold with the line “With Camtasia, you can edit your videos together without being a professional” whilst some middle-aged bloke is sat there smiling at the screen, happy with himself….?! Surely, if you want your videos edited at all – You want them edited professionally, yes?

 

Seems to me, the filmmaking community is suffering very unnecessarily. In 2017 we have the ability to drive electric cars, solve all the bullshit in our economy if only the one’s in charge would get serious, education was made available to all, without prejudice etc but...

Do I regret being a filmmaker in 2017? Honestly, sometimes I think I should have done something different when I can’t make rent, can only rent a car, not afford a family… But its my calling. There’s nothing else out there that interests and excites me more. Its fucked up but its true.

Good News – Everyone’s An Expert Filmmaker! We Can All Breathe Easier!

That’s right! Everyone knows how to write a script, the format, understands the concept of narrative, importance of pacing, non-cliché storytelling, how to recruit cast, crew actors, equipment and how to book it, insure it, check it, transport and set it up as well as use it, correct any technical faults along the way and most recently I just found out that they know perfectly how to edit it after a client who’d already told me how quick I was on Adobe on editing one of their film trailers together THEN told me I had taken HOURS to:

• Insert an extra header
• Reposition some text
• Recalibrate music timing to leave enough time to read it
• All over 5 sequences

EAAAASY – No problem! EVEN when don’t know that until your client arrives almost an hour and a half late and seems more interested in selling his bike outside and doesn’t stop singing and whistling every 2 minutes. What does matter is that it’s a model of Final Cut Pro version 5 or 6 with a full RAM with hardly any room to render, NO files left in any discernible order so you have to rebuild most of these changes rather than just make a simple change that would update itself straight into the timeline. More importantly ‘EVERY’ piece of work you do on such an old version does NOT render in real time! For those of you unfamiliar with editing.

Try comparing the days of broadband to those of the dial-up modem! EVERY tiny inch you drag a single letter of text does not require rendering nowadays, usually these are aided by a tool within Adobe referred to as the Mercury Playback Engine.. Whatever… In the version of Final Cut Pro I’d been given to work with, for every 30 seconds of work, required around 2 minutes of rendering each time! It VERY quickly adds up. Furthermore, this computer had been JAM-PACKED and the constant warning of no ram being available 9YES, THIS AFFECTS RENDERING – NUMBNUTS!) Any editor will tell you their favourite out of the two they are fluent in will tell you Adobe – Why? Because we were sick of FCP’s speed. Of course since version 10 / X, this isn’t too much of a problem anymore but this version took hours to get the work done but at the end to have YOUR work ethic challenged and slagged off, who is getting freelancers to come and do his editing for him and claims to have been doing this for over 20 years –
How the HELL can you blame this on your editor?

Definitely one of the best freelance stories I’ve come across for a while. Just amazing how everyone thinks they’re an expert. What’s brilliant is that I’m sure it won’t be the last and it’s not even the worst story I’ve come across. Then again, here’s an interesting sketch of how bad its getting for freelancers in film. Of course, its been adapted to the profession of plumbing just to illustrate how fucked up our industry has become.

Recently, whilst I made a new friend; Louisa Trigg earlier this month from Darkside Studios at Film Expo South. Only got to one talk this time around annoyingly but I got to learn a bit more about the visual effects industry. Almost EVERY job hunt and film I come across wants these things thrown in and even indie’s are willing to pay out that little extra to get them. I went along to their talk and got hearing from far younger freelancers who were getting snapped up from as early as their work in the BFX festival by local post-production groups and sent all over the world working on compositing, modelling, textures… All sorts.
My brain started thinking; “These guys have been handed films that their clients MUST have their work to get from one part of the story to another. The older generation don’t really do computers… These guys are usually far younger and aren’t neglected by a set of rules and traditional bullshit that stop them from making a living. Lets go find out more.” What I learned is stuff I should have thought about earlier as I’ve come across it many times. Even corporate firms want people who can apply vfx to their adverts and events. All the shit you see on television with the incredibly painful stories, most likely written by the egotistical dickheads you see partake in ‘The Apprentice’ require something to morph into a fireball, create some animated graphic to illustrate some science bollocks on that smug cow’s face from the Oral B advert. This seems to be a sustained area of the industry. Why?

Take a look at gaming just as one example. All you need is an actor’s voice – THE REST – All animation and digital effects. Sure there may be green screen and motion capture but does that matter to filmmakers – YEP of course but certain coordinators from my postgraduate degree didn’t seem to think so. Despite it being called “Cinematography for Film & TV” not only did they not teach a single bit of TV but there was no motion capture or green screen either but guess what? They teach it in MA Digital Effects at National Film & Television School. We could waste time slapping our foreheads and asking why but it all comes back to higher education tossers more concerned with PhD’s & their salaries to give a toss for their students – their customers. This shit really needs to change – NOW! Not only are they missing the boat as it is by not mixing filmmakers with their PR & Marketing courses but also NEITHER one to be working more closely with animators and digital effects artists… No wonder some of us are finding it nearly impossible to get in and / or sustain ourselves as freelancers.

Like I said everyone out there is an expert – Another quick freelancer story to prove it? I was commissioned by a group last year who wanted me to help produce, shoot, record sound, edit, grade a film for them within a week. Yep… you read that correctly. Then they also expected I was going to create a magical book with all sorts of pages that would flicker when it opened with graphics and animations fly out of it and oooh… The best part… Only pay me £200, which wouldn’t even have included my car costs. Of course fellow filmmakers, you’ll already have guessed what they’d called this role, don’t you? Wink-wink* - Yep you guessed it – VIDEOGRAPHER!

I think I needed a new project so badly I ended up saying ‘yes’ to a new indie project and rolling on with one of my own just to take a break from the insanity. Believe it or not I’ve even started looking into VFX courses but to even get 6 months tuition back at my old establishment; Met Film School, they’re charging £10,000 for a mere 6 months. I’m telling you, the number of holes you can walk into in this game are ridiculous.

Been feeling so bogged down with the lack of career fulfilment lately I even decided to say ‘yes’ to the request of another struggling Bournemouth University student asking me as their cinematographer for their graduation film. At least its something productive and adds something new to my showreel. I’ve not been given much help in my career but at least I know with all the people I’ve helped over the years, no-one will ever be able to call me a hypocrite.