Honest NOT Angry - "The Best Answer U Can Get Is A Look In The Mirror, That Tells U All Need To Know As It's The Only Person U Can't Fool"

It’s funny how certain people stand out for having a pair to speak tough love and honesty. Obviously you put it into context but since half of many jokes and issues are linked to celebrities, here’s a few to start you off. Take two I actually respect; Alan Sugar and Gordon Ramsay.

They’re not like those sell outs that smile through their teeth at you then bitch about you behind your back, you spend a long time learning to be good at the trade they are renowned for then once you start performing at a good level, a compliment from them makes it all the more meaningful.

Whilst last year I had already taken on several responsibilities, the latest things involve me having been scouted by two MA filmmaker groups at Bournemouth University, a recruitment agent from Microsoft and a sort of ‘mentor’ for two new scriptwriters and overseeing another four who are at least two years in. Why?

Good question and in fact returning to education for a degree that will mean sod all in my industry and doing more teaching than studying actually makes me feel cheated. Not only did I end up working for a cheapskate for a month, earlier this year whilst he reaped the benefits of my production skills, I’ve spent years and thousands of pounds for absolutely no expense on his behalf. But other than my immediate friends, whom I like to help out, there are others who hear about me, I’m now expected to be drawn in to work for them for free… What, just because you want a good mark for your course and / or I may have a chance to extend my showreel etc… If you’re in a position to pay me, you better have a damn good reason why you don’t as well as those who can’t pay me diddly squat, if I agree to write for you, then don’t turn it into a car crash please.

"EXAMPLE?" - I hear you say, sure, here you go!

How To Make A Film from one of my scripts:

 

 How NOT To Make A Film from one of my scripts:

 

DEFINTELY How NOT To Make A Film from one of my scripts as you clearly don’t give a shit:

 

Funnily, the one at the top, Murad Ali, has been the only one who I keep in contact with both professionally and personally, who when stuck for ideas after working himself stupid on some other edit projects told me he had seen his lecturer who invited him to watch his favourite short film; DESSERTS (please watch!)

Murad has had many a meeting with me and would not hesitate to tell you my favourite question; WHY? – which in this case gave way to the following

Character – Who is he? What pulled him in? Why?

Location – Why a beach? Why the title, instead of ‘Human Fishing’ or something?

Objective – What was the message of the filmmaker? Were they an animal activist? Is it a protest of some kind, in which case where was the empathetic side of the story? WHY? WHY? WHY?

He said; “Mate, I became YOU” as he’d asked a couple of the above questions to his tutor, whom replied; “Well, have you ever thought about what its like to be a fish?”

SERIOUSLY? In one of my earliest blog’s I speak on Art House and the bullshit they think is so amazing and why do they need to exist… If these people are indeed the kind of audience they attract, then why are there so many offices in the immediate proximity that bother teaching their students about constructing narrative? “ARGH, ART HOUSE… FUCK OFF… HANDCUFF YOURSELF TO THE CONFINES OF THE TATE MODERN OR SOMETHING AND LET THESE GUYS WANK OVER YOU THERE… “

You want to see something ‘really’ amazing, take a look at one of my favourite Youtubers. I mentioned the ‘Angry Joe Show’ before but here’s another I’m subscribed to called; ‘The Phillip DeFranco Show’
(Here's a story for those saddo's who don't shut up about their phones, namely that shit over the damn iPhone thing)

This guy delivers you spoonfuls of news within 10 mins or less, with an actual personality (unafraid to swear when something’s “fucking obvious”), voicing everyone’s inner monologue, he promotes at least one new artist and one ‘feel good’ story each time. Admits he doesn’t like TV NEWS so makes his own, backs it up with facts and doesn’t bullshit or speak in the same monotonous tone of voice, whilst wearing a suit and tie, afraid of accidentally upsetting a broadcast network like the BBC who promote this middle-class image to the world when every single foreign mate I’ve ever had would probably agree with me (believe me, there’s enough) that say, “Hmph, you guys aren’t actually like that at all” – which in many ways is a good thing.

One final thought was an excellent, albeit sarcastic at times, review of a student film recently, which most would agree wasn't badly shot mostly but the story was poor. In my opinion mostly due to the excessive dialogue and an actor’s face like a smacked arse for 18 minutes feeling sorry for himself. Any decent writer who’s studied other writers work before like Robert McKee will tell you; “Self-pity does not evoke empathy.” The review itself came from a scriptwriter who I worked with before. Unsure of the compulsion but nevertheless extra time he put in, would have made for good editorial showreel material perhaps as he went through great detail to explain what was shit, what was good and what he would have done differently but given the filmmaker in question, accrediting himself for parts in films he doesn’t understand, in this case writing (usually choosing to explain everything through dialogue than action), is a lot of strain on the actor and somewhat lazy, at least take on a script editor, so you can learn as you go so yeah… Maybe in the future you won’t need one.

The wider picture of this is a scriptwriter gave a great constructively criticised account until another came along and told him (to what I have been told didn’t even read the entire article) that he was “bullying.” No, mate, bullying would be to call him a c**t or punch him etc. What actually took place here is another example of someone who avoids conflict like the plague, unafraid of undermining their friend’s confidence and alike MOST people I’ve met down here, will never be able to write proper conflict because they never go through any themselves. A half-adult on either side would make the filmmaker all the wiser and grateful and the other to have said something similar to what I have said here.

“Oh but Dan, you’re just the same as us”

*sigh*

“No, I’m usually 8 – 9 years older than most of you, I started over 7 years ago, compared to your 2 possibly 3, I completed an intensive filmmaking course at Ealing Studios, I’ve made several films, had 3 screenings, got to an international nomination shortlist, as well as invited to an official pitch for a feature I wrote and not only starting to attract the attention of literary agents (touch wood there, something materialises soon) but I’m also working 5 – 7 days a week, job hunting, writing and collaborating on other projects and forked out to pay to go to the London Screenwriter’s Festival in October… So, NO… I am not the same as you”

It gets really heated if I have to play the childhood card; some of these academic geniouses turn out to be nothing but lazy, spoilt bastards half the time but will still insist on sitting on their invisible pillar of bullshit.

All I’m saying is people who can’t take criticism… Or as you call it… ‘Bullying” (especially if you’re a writer)… ‘GIVE UP NOW… YOU’RE FUCKED” or stay the hell out of the way.